Jokes

Don't copy if you can't paste!



A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He Said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and applause.


A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner,"The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went; "ah!" with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"


By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

___________________

 
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:

I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, The man awoke as a woman...

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners

And stopped at the bank
To make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put
Away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced
The check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box
And bathed the dog..
Then, it was already 1 P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust, And sweep and mop
The kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up
The kids and got into an argument
With them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and
Got the kids organized to do
Their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board
And watched TV while he
Did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling
Potatoes and washing
Vegetables for salad,
Breaded the pork chops
And snapped
Fresh beans for supper.
After supper,

He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids, And put
Them to bed.

At 9 P.M. He was exhausted
And, though his daily chores
Weren't finished, he went to
Bed where he was expected to
Make love, which he managed
To get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's' being able to stay home all day.

Please, Oh! Please, Let us trade back.. Amen!'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way

They were.

You'll just have to wait Nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.'